It’s been nearly a year of taking a break. Of withdrawing from ministry, and blogging, and essentially life to heal the broken parts of me. It was not too long from this date one year ago that I realized my marriage was ending, and that I would soon be plunged into the land of Not-Where-I-Want-to-Be. I wanted the dream. The happy family. The loving husband. The growing old with someone I’d spent a life with. But instead, I was looking into the future in shock. Barely holding on as I faced my new reality.
It’s been a year of growth, and learning, and revelation. Of learning how much I can do that I never thought I would even attempt (can you say fix a washer/lawnmower/toilet? Woot!) Of realizing that there are people who really care deeply about me, and others I thought cared who have slipped out of sight. Of growing up abruptly as rumors flew through my small community and I had nothing to stand on but my integrity.
It’s been harder than I ever thought it would be. And yet, I’ve not done it alone. Beside me, behind me, and in front of me, God has been there holding my hand. And holding my children.
If you’re a single mom you know. You get it. And your heart probably breaks for me, just as mine does for you. There is no one that should have to go through this. And yet, here we are, nearly 16 million of us, struggling to raise more than 22 million children.
And it’s harder than we ever imagined.
But only nine months in as a single mom, I feel God leading me to help others walk this path as well. That seems ridiculous because I have no idea what I’m doing in this role. Except that I hear him whispering to me that I’m exactly the kind he uses for such a thing: someone who is willing, but doesn’t know how. Because that allows room. Room for him to work. For him to lead. For him to change me.
I don’t have to have all the answers on this path. Neither do you. In fact, we shouldn’t even try to. Instead, we need to follow his lead. To leave margin for Him. To pull up the roots that have been our lives even if it knocks us on our rear because it’s time to start with fresh soil.
A new beginning.
And so I step out, knowing that the things I dread most in life are always the things that God uses. The most painful moments in my life become the most beautiful in his story. I hope you’ll join me here and at my new Facebook page for single moms of faith: https://www.facebook.com/thechristiansinglemom