A few years ago, I read an article by another mom-blogger who talked about the day she stopped eating burnt toast. Though I can’t recall the writer’s name, I can recall with great clarity the feeling of “Oh yeah, I should stop doing that too!” that came over me as she detailed how she was tired of always giving herself the leftovers, the crumbs in life, the pieces of burnt toast.
But sometimes, it’s hard to believe we deserve better.
Sometimes we’re so focused on what everyone else needs, on what we are expected to do as a mom, on the people we would willingly lay our own lives down for, that we forget we matter too.
You matter too.
And while there is something to be said for sacrifice, and giving, and loving with grace, we are not called to ignore everything that happens to us—as if we don’t matter—and just pretend that we are ok with being treated like the bottom of someone’s shoe, for everyone else’s sake.
It takes me back to where I often go when struggling with how I’m feeling about myself and what I may or may not “deserve” in this life: I think of my kids. If one of them were in my situation, what would I want for them? To be shoved to the corner and their thoughts/feelings/needs ignored so that others could continue with the status quo? Or, to stand up and say—even if only in a strained whisper—this is not working. This is not ok. This is not how I should be treated.
Which also takes me to where I go next: I think of God and how I’m his kid. How he might look at my situation and think: Why is she trying so hard to be a martyr? Doesn’t she know I need her to take care of herself first—so that she can take care of everything else I’ve given her? Doesn’t she know her worth, and that I want only good for her? Good—not harm? Doesn’t she know that she isn’t responsible for the brokenness in others? She’s only responsible for healing and restoring herself to me?
Do you know that though Jesus put God first in his life, he put himself second? That even though he served like no one else in history, he never once took on another person’s actions and thought—yes, I deserved that because I put myself in the position to receive it. He prayed for those that hurt him, but he also stood up for himself.
He rebuked injustice. He called people out of their sin. He freed us from ourselves, and didn’t then say, “But thou art responsible for every other bad thing that you allow to happen to you in life.”
Because sometimes we are treated unfairly. Sometimes horribly. Sometimes just carelessly.
But, we aren’t called to stay there for the simple fact that we found ourselves there. Of course, the enemy loves to tell us otherwise. Because keeping us in a place where we feel broken, and helpless, and hopeless fuels his great desire for us: to make us feel stuck. Incomplete. Alone.
Sweet friend, you are anything but. The simple fact that you’ve held yourself in a place that’s been hard for you speaks volumes to your heart for following what you believe God is calling you into. Just don’t make the mistake of believing that He’s calling you into another person’s mistakes. He’s not calling you to pay the price for another person’s actions. He gave us a Savior for that very purpose. Who reached into the lives of the broken and offered forgiveness and healing, and redemption. It’s not something we can do for them. And, quite frankly, it’s not what we’re called to do.
Because you matter too.
Want to connect with other single moms of faith? Stop by The Christian Single Mom on Facebook!