It’s one of those little secrets about motherhood that people won’t tell you: making mom friends is hard. In fact, it can feel impossible at times. Years after leaving high school, moms often find themselves going through the same feelings they struggled with as a teenager: anxiety about fitting in, and feeling like there isn’t a “group” they want to be in anyway. The truth is, moms can be very competitive, and it’s difficult to find ones that are sincere.
The bad news? There are a lot of moms that are simply trying to be the queen bee.
The good news? There are a lot of moms just like you that want nothing more than a good girlfriend.
So, how do you find these gems?
Moms of faith have an advantage in friendships: our hearts are similar. While you will certainly have friends that don’t share your faith, make sure you surround yourself with some that do. Approaching life with the same world view can remove a lot of barriers that exist in other relationships.
Start with Your Children’s Friends
You can learn a lot about moms through their kids. Since your children likely reflect your values, they will tend to make friends with kids who do as well. In turn, their parents will likely have qualities you admire in a friend. Start by looking at your children’s friend’s moms (say that three times, fast) to see if there is one that you wish you could get to know better. This is called improving your odds.
Wallflowers Should Rule the World
Let’s face it, the moms who aren’t tackling the teacher to get to bring the cupcakes on party day are typically the nicest ones in the room. While some moms long to befriend the cupcake-bearer (because she wields power?) it’s the moms who don’t get into the fray that can make the best friends. Why? They know how to avoid drama, Mama. Priceless in a friendship.
If You Want Something, Get it Yourself
Moms live by one hard and fast rule: doing it yourself guarantees it’s done right. This can become a problem in things such as housework where you need help, and showing a little grace can actually allow others to contribute. But, with friendship? It’s the answer, baby. To find a friend worth sticking by, you have to make the effort and take the first step.
So, don’t wait any longer! Find that mom that you’ve always admired and ask her to lunch. Maybe she’s the one who is friendly to everyone but doesn’t necessarily have a “mom-clique” (hint: she probably chooses not to be in one, just like you), or the mom who has mentioned getting together before, but the two of you never got around to it (social anxiety is real for many moms). Putting yourself out there is the first step to a lifelong mom friendship you’ll turn to again and again.
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